As a parent, you can help to delay your child’s initiation to alcohol.
You and your family and friends play an important role in the development of your teenager’s values, attitudes and behaviours towards alcohol.
Research has found that parenting style is one of the most important influences on whether a child will drink responsibly in adolescence and in adulthood. These studies show that children whose parents are disengaged are at significantly greater risk of excessive drinking at age 16 (by 836%) and age 34 (by 240%).
These statistics demonstrate that your efforts as a parent have long lasting impacts and can make a significant difference to the relationship your children have with alcohol. Research shows that combining consistent warmth and discipline, known as the ‘tough love’ style of parenting, works and highlights the importance of parental role modelling.
To be a good role model it is important to:
- Lead by example by limiting the amount of alcohol you consume and avoid being drunk or hung over in front of your children.
- Try not to make alcohol the focus of celebrations or gatherings.
- Not glorify your own behaviour when discussing alcohol use with your teenager.
- Spend time with your children and encourage your teenager to be open with you.
- Develop strategies with your teenager to help them deal with difficult situations involving alcohol.
- Communicate your rules and boundaries to your family and friends. Encourage them to be positive role models when your child is observing their drinking behaviours.
Measure up?
As children absorb your behaviour, it is important to be aware about how your attitudes towards drinking and drinking behaviours can influence your child.
The World Health Organization has developed a simple method to identify patterns of alcohol consumption and to screen for excessive drinking.
Click the link below to see how you measure up.
Good communication is vital to the development of a positive relationship with your child.
When communicating with your teenagers, it is important to:
- Be patient.
- Be understanding.
- Listen without interrupting and without judgement.
- Find the right time to talk – avoid discussing issues when your child is drunk and/or angry.
- Help your teenager consider the consequences of their actions.
- Be honest about your concerns.
- Talk about what to do in an emergency and let your child know the importance of calling for help in an emergency situation.
- Negotiate and make decisions together.
- Keep the lines of communication open and be approachable.
It is recommended that for children and young people under 18 years of age, not drinking alcohol is the safest option.
However, for some parents it might be more appropriate to set some boundaries about alcohol use by their child.
It is important to consult with your teenagers in a reasonable and rational way, in order to come to an understanding about how much alcohol is appropriate and what is considered unacceptable.
It is important to be realistic when setting limits, so that your child respects the boundaries that have been set. It might also be useful to highlight the consequences of excessive alcohol consumption such as increased risk of harm and to determine potential punishments for breaking the agreement.
Teenagers generally don’t like being told what to do. Here are some tips to help you deliver important information to your child in a supportive and understanding way.
Tips for you
- Read up on information about alcohol and its effects on young people and share this information with your child.
- Get to know your child’s friends, their parents and their drinking habits.
- Agree on some basic rules before they leave e.g. how they will get home and at what time.
- Talk about what your child should do in an emergency and reassure them that they can contact you at any time.
- Make it clear to your teenager that underage drinking can attract large fines if they are found drinking on licensed premises or in public places.
- If they get intoxicated or in trouble, support them through their recovery, subtly pointing out how they could do things differently.
- Remember that providing your child with alcohol to take to a party is illegal. In addition, it will not necessarily stop them from drinking more when they get there.
Tips for them
- Let someone know where you’re going to be at all times.
- Make a plan to get home safely – buses, trains, taxis or organise an adult to pick you up.
- Leave the car behind – don’t drink and drive.
- Plan to eat during the event.
- Limit total number of drinks consumed.
- Alternate between alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks.
- Avoid rounds or spirits.
- Be aware of drink spiking.
- There are more fun things to do at events than just hanging around drinking. Be active e.g. dance and socialise.
- Look out for your friends and don’t leave them alone.
- Don’t get into a car with someone who’s been drinking.
- Call for help from someone you trust.
If you discover that your child has been drinking it is important to:
- Wait until the next morning to discuss the situation. Make sure they are safe and able to go to bed safely.
- Explain your concerns about their drinking.
- Try to find out what is going on with your teenager and what led to this incident.
- Advise them of the risks associated with excessive alcohol consumption.
- Set clear boundaries: make sure your expectations are clear and if rules are broken make sure you follow through with consequences that are appropriate and realistic.
- Make sure your teenager knows that no matter what happens you will be there for them.
- Support them through their recovery, subtly pointing out how they could do things differently.
- Seek professional help – if you’re worried that this is becoming regular behaviour, speak to your local doctor, a teacher or counsellor at school.
Peer pressure can influence teens to do things they wouldn’t usually do.
As a child’s friends begin to play an important role in shaping their identities, the influence of peer pressure increases. However parents are, and always will be, the most important influence in their children’s lives.
When dealing with peer pressure, it is important to:
- Be a parent, and not a friend.
- Build an open, healthy relationship.
- Get to know your child’s friends and their partying habits.
- Get to know your child’s friends' parents.
- Deal with issues immediately and create a conversation that allows your child to reflect on the issue and their behaviour.
- Seek professional help – if you’re worried that this is becoming regular behaviour, speak to your local doctor, a teacher or counsellor at school.
If you need help or you have a child who you think has an alcohol problem, speak with:
- Someone you trust and respect.
- Someone who can provide accurate advice, e.g. a family member, a counsellor or your local doctor.
Help for parents
- NSW Alcohol and Drug Information Service (ADIS) - A 24 hour confidential, anonymous information, advice and referral service. Telephone: (02) 9361 8000 or 1800 422 599 (outside Sydney).
- Life Line 13 11 14
- Alcoholics Anonymous
- Wesley Mission Telephone: (02) 9263 5555
- Wayside Chapel Telephone: (02) 9358 6577 Wayside Chapel website
- Drug and Alcohol Multicultural Education Centre (DAMEC) Provides support for culturally and linguistically diverse clients.
- Family Drug Support. Telephone: 1300 368 186
- NSW Multicultural Health Communication Service